Thursday, July 26, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Sometimes I feel I've got to (clap, clap) run away,
. . . Mr. Egypt and I were watching My Super Ex-Girlfriend the other night . . . what a silly movie, especially the shark scene, oh dear . . . when we were interrupted by the shrill and torturous screams of Mr. Too Smart being attacked and carried away by 17 Bazillion biting spiders!!! We ran to his room to try to save him only to find that he was just FIGHTING WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AGAIN!!!!! Too bad, taking on 17 Bazillion biting spiders would have made a great story! Oh please, I am begging you Mr. Too Smart, move on already!!!
. . . Charming Child woke up this morning to find that all of the ants from the Greater Sacramento area had taken up camp in the formal living room AKA her stage/gymnastics floor. Before I could take care of the ants, she vacuumed them up!! Now, the ants are probably sitting in the vacuum bag, plotting a way to burst through and take over the house! I think I am going now to remove the bag and throw it away, or quite possibly burn it because I hate those little itchy things. I hate the way they just invite themselves in to the house whenever they get tired of being outside, and if it isn't bad enough that they bring themsleves, they bring their entire extended family as well . . . oh, nevermind, you get the point!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
This is all I have heard from this boy in forever . . . "I don't trust you. I love you. Don't ever break a promise again. I love you. Your word means nothing to me because you keep lying. I love you. You're being stupid. I love you. Why are you in a bad mood? I love you." and so on and so on and so on!
Okay, I know, been there done that . . . it's hard to walk away from your first "real" relationship, but I am really a few inches away from solving the problem myself by simply banging their two sweet little heads together, hard!
Does anyone have a box to put over my head?
That's all . . .
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I know what you're thinking, Princess, "I can't believe you are about to tell those stories!"
Don't worry, I won't embarrass you!
First and foremost, she is the ONLY person who can put Charming Child in her place. When Princess says jump, Charming Child does indeed ask, "How high?" If I ask Charming Child to jump, she says, with her infamous attitude, "Why don't you jump?" Charming Child and Princess are just the best of friends when they are together, and I have so much fun watching their interactions. Princess really brings out some of Charming Child's best qualities . . .
Princess always finds humor in every situation . . .
Princess has excellent skills in Dentistry . . . .
She even takes my insurance . . .
. . . but, when she's finished, don't try to disturb her . . . in other words, she sets clear boundaries which should be obeyed by all!
. . . she wears her Flip-Flops comfortably on the wrong feet!! I know that may not sound very fascinating, but have you ever tried to do this? It's not easy!! Trust me, we all tried last night . . . Ibeebarbie was able to walk a short distance across the parking lot with her flip-flops flipped, Charming Child was able to walk a few feet before she almost fell down and cracked her head open on the pavement, I was not even able to get my flip-flops to go on the wrong feet!
I challenge you, flip flop your flip-flops and see how far you can get!!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
P.S. I am going to be starting tap lessons soon (because I HAVE lost my mind, before you ask,) so MAYBE in 6 months to 20 years, I MIGHT be able to 'Shuffle, Step'!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Saturday, July 7, 2007
I spent over an hour on the phone with this Investigator answering all sorts of questions about my brother and his life. Here's the bad part . . . the little shit has never been in trouble one second of his life!! I know it really is a good thing that he has never been in trouble, but we're talking about ME here, and MY conversation with Mr. Investigator! The guy probably thought, "Oh, let me call the big sister, she'll surely rat out Mr. Perfection!" So, I answered all of the questions . . . .any problems with friends? NO. any problems with family members? NO. any problems in school? NO. any problems with drugs? NO and to top it off, he doesn't even drink! any problems with other cultures? NOPE, lives in a culturally diverse household, and he's bilingual! any problems with people who choose alternative lifestyles? NO. and so on and so on for an hour!! I'm sure the guy was thinking, "Okay woman, we see you want him to get the damn job, but come on, he has to have some problems!!" any problems within the family that may distract him? EUREKA!!!! Now here's a question that I can answer in more than one word!! "Well, our little ***sister has a lot of problems with school (not going) and drugs (taking too many) and her attitude (for crying out loud, don't even get me started!) , bbbbbuuuutttttt, I don't think Dean involves himself in her issues, soooooooo, I guess the answer is NO!!! (but please pretty please give him the job so he can arrest her invincible little ass!)" ***This is not the same sister as Little Sis, just so we're clear!
( I really wanted to post a picture of Mr. Soon-to-be -making-more-money -than-me, but I can't find one at the moment that is easy to post (you all know the hate-hate relationship I have with blogger and picture posting!) so you'll just have to imagine . . . remember the little boy from the movie The Three Amigos? The one with the curly hair? Well , he looks like that, just about 20 years older now.
Anyway, after Mr Investigator finished interrogating me, I had a few questions of my own, because I am oh so nosy!! I asked him how many people he has to contact for each applicant (20-40) and who he contacts. He mentioned that sometimes they go back to Elementary School teachers, which made me think, "What would I say about some of my former students if Mr. Investigator ever called me about them?"
Here are some of my thoughts -I'm going to use real names, so please don't look them up and stalk them :) . . .
Taurean - He'll be great, as long as you let him write his police reports while lying on the ground tossing his pencil up in the air!
Omar - He'll be wonderful as long as he doesn't ever have to comfort anyone as his voice can scare a bear out of the woods!
Joseph - He'll be a great asset as long as you don't get sand in his hair as that may throw him into a tizzy!
Aejonna- Oh, you'll love her, as long as you don't make her do anything boring, as boring things cause her stomach to ache.
Jayme- She'll be fantastic, as long as you let her be in charge of EVERYTHING!
Savannah - She'll be marvelous as long as you have all of the time in the world to wait for her as she does everything in slow motion while breaking her pink eraser into tiny itty bitty pieces!
Oh, I could go on and on . . .all of my past students have something special about them I could conjure up if I needed to!! I just wish them the best of luck in their future endeavors, and I hope they all know that I would help them get the job any day (so I don't have to pay for them to be on welfare!!!) Love you guys!!! And, Dean, I love you too!!
Friday, July 6, 2007
CC: Hey, remember when we played Double Double at recess last year? Do you want to play now?
Friend: That game was stupid!
CC: Yea, we did some pretty stupid things in Fourth Grade!
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Regularly Scheduled Program . . . Mom and Dad went on their annual trip to Alaska a few weeks ago, but when they were booking their trip, it momentarily slipped their minds that they had a new child!! They assumed I would drop everything and stay at their house with their beloved dog for a week . . . nice try Mom and Dad (although I did have to do a few days of duty!) Little Sis, after some begging and pleading on my part, graciously decided to come out to California form Utah during Mom and Dad's thoughtfully and thouroughly planned trip, to dog sit!! She decided to bring along her future sister-in-law, who also happens to be Charming Child's pen pal and partner in crime during Little Sis's wedding . . . we thought it would be the ideal time for the two girls to meet for the first time, so we would know whether or not they could stand each other, and whether or not we needed to place one of them in an new position during the wedding!!
Dog Sitting, Cat Sitting and Fish Sitting, piece of cake, right? After all, Mom left post-it notes ALL OVER THE HOUSE, with instructions . . .
Okay, seriously, how in the world does Mom know the fish is "ALWAYS HUNGRY"?
Anyway, taking care of Jackson would be a piece of cake, he's just a puppy, how much trouble can he possibly be? Well, Little Sis forgot that he was Mom and Dad's little puppy, which means SPOILED ROTTEN!! Although Little Sis shouldn't complain because her beloved puppy is just as, if not more, spoiled . . . the only difference . . . about 50 pounds!!!
See, Jackson still thinks he weighs as much as he did when he looked like this . . .
. . . .but, he now looks like this . . .
. . . and, sometimes like this . . .
. . . and he doesn't realize that when he comes tearing through the living room and up and over the side of the couch, hurling himself at you at full speed, he can cause injuries like this . . .
. . . Aside from the injuries, Little Sis and Jackson just didn't see eye to eye . . . Little Sis thought that maybe she should be able to get ready in the bathroom without interruptions, Jackson thought he should be able to stand up to the bathroom sink to get a drink of water like his Mommy and Daddy let him! Little Sis thought that maybe Jackson should not chew things that didn't belong to him, Jackson thought, "if you leave it out, it's fair game!" Little Sis thought she would be nice and take him on a nice jaunt through the neighborhood, Jackson thought he would run full speed through the neighborhood, peeing on every possible tree, and leaving Little Sis's hands blistered from the leash! Most of all, Little Sis thought it would be nice to have a good night's sleep each night, Jackson thought, "As long as there is a stranger in my Mom and Dad's bed, I'm going to stay awake all night, every night until they return!"
I believe my sister uttered the words "Devil Dog" to Mom and Dad upon their arrival!!
Little Sis's trip wasn't all about Dog Sitting . . .we did go on some fun adventures, like to San Francisco and the Jelly Belly Factory. We took close to one million trillion pictures, so here is my favorite . . .
Here's Little Sis (on the right) showing her excitement for In 'N' Out Burger . . .
We also had a glorious day when Charming Child had an all day rehearsal for her musical, so we decided to do some shopping for Little Sis's upcoming infamous wedding. I will list all that we accomplished because I don't want to wear out my comma key . . .
1) Bought 6 packages of red napkins
2)Bought 6 packages of silver napkins (which she doesn't really like because they kind of look gray, but, "they'll do!")
3)Bought 1 dozen black tapers (which she probably won't use because she doesn't have the right kind of candleholders, but, "they'll come in handy someday!")
4)Bought 1 dozen red tapers (which she probably won't use because she doesn't have the right kind of candleholders, but, "they'll come in handy someday!")
5)Bought 10 billion pounds of special melting chocolate for the chocolate fountain, because they don't have this kind of chocolate anywhere in Utah, (which her fiance promptly left in the car all day after she came home and it melted into a puddle at the bottom of the suitcase!)
Yep, that's it . . . that's all we got accomplished!! How does the saying go . . ."It's the thought that counts!" Atleast we THOUGHT about accomplishing a lot of wedding stuff!!